A Note to Those Considering Suicide
Posted September 21, 2010 by That Teowonna!
So, you wanna kill yourself, huh. What… things are not going right for you? Are you just realizing that you are not perfect? That you are fallible like the rest of us? I can understand the darkness of life that may cause you to want it all to be over. But to actually put a gun to your head and pull the trigger; to stand on a chair with a telephone cord around your neck; to stick a knife in your stomach… now you’re going too damn far!
Lemme ask you something: Who do you think you are? I mean really. Do you think you are too good to fail? So what you got yourself in a financial mess. So what you wrecked somebody’s marriage. So what you are letting your family down. So what you are being exposed as a ho. So what you are a disgrace to the human race. So what your baby mama won’t let you see your child. So what I broke up with you. (Note… I’m good, but I ain’t worth all that!) So what you robbed a bank. Big friggin’ deal! You ain’t perfect. You are supposed to make mistakes. We are a human… that’s what we do. Now, some mistakes, you don’t have to make. But if you do make them, just suffer the consequences like the rest of us. But how dare you punish us with your death!
Don’t you know your life is not your own? It belongs to the people who love you! It belongs to your mother, your father, your children. It belongs to the people that will wonder ‘why’ for the rest of their lives. It belongs to the people who will never really be happy again. And it’s all because of you. You selfish bastard!
Mad? Yes, I’m mad. I’m mad at all the daddy’s girls and mama’s boys whose parents will walk around with emptiness in their hearts for the rest of their lives. Who left their children to wonder what they did wrong. Who left their husbands or wives to raise their children alone. Who insulted me by not coming to me and asking me for help. Was I that horrible of a friend? Do I deserve to live without you for the rest of my life?
And what about the unlucky sole who finds you? The person who walks upon your dangling body? What about the smell of death that will forever be stuck in their nostrils? What about the image of your brain matter being splattered all over the floor? Why are you forcing them to live with that for the rest of their lives? You gotta be a special kind of selfish to inflict that kind of pain on the people who love you.
You really are piece of work, you know that… to even think about climbing on that chair with a scarf around your neck. And for what? Because you failed at something? Because you got yourself in a little trouble? Because people expect better of you? Because you should have known better? Well, guess what? You are not the only person to screw up. Newsflash: Everybody screws up! But the only screw up that can’t be undone is suicide. Everything else you can live with.
And another thing… If you go through with this stupid act, just know that I will have NO sympathy for you. I will have sympathy for your family and friends, however. But not for YOU!
So, are you still considering suicide? Well, do me a favor: Get over yourself!
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[...] ThatTeowonna outlines in no-uncertain terms the fury and grief felt by those you’d leave behind. A harsh reminder of the fact that you are so loved by many and that in reality your life is not your own. [...]
Powerful and I have known many people whom have ended their lives including a favorite uncle. I cant see of any reason one could end what could end up as the best story of their lives because change is always right around the corner and I can speak from experience. One just has to wake up and take the challenge of turning it all around and though it could take work and time, it outweighs taking your life…… Thank you for this article. RIP Kenny McKinley & Uncle Stan……
Thank you for sharing. I’ve lost 4 people close to me to suicide. An exboyfriend. A cousin. A classmate. A girlfriend. Needless to say, I’m still angry.
Wow, what a powerful entry. I have known of suicides and it’s very painful for the friends and family to wonder ‘why’. You are right about that. Wow is all I can say. You said a lot.
Also, this puts a light on the affects of depression. We have to help our family members get help. But that is easier said that done, trust me.
Depression is REAL!!! But there is a long way between depression and suicidal. Don’t be too perfect to get help early on.
WOW! Powerful, Beautiful! I’ve never had to deal with the suicide of a loved one – but my GOD, your open letter to those thinking about it -you hit the nail on the head. Teowanna, I’m sure you have saved some lives today Miss Lady!! GOD bless you!!
I don’t need to comment. You said it all. Hope someone listens.
I just want to say thanks for your column that I read in this weeks Black News on suicide. Today wasn’t a good day for me-I will be honest. Looking at me, no on would think that I would consider suicide and a few months ago I wouldn’t have. I have a good career, have been married for 13 months and am pregnant with our first child. I have a wonderful husband who has not been able to really find stable employment in the last 19 months. Prior to that he worked 8 months and prior to that was unemployed for 14 months. He is a college graduate and previously worked in law enforcement. I have exhausted my savings and maxed out all of my credit cards trying to keep us floating until he finds a job. Today I was so desperate I applied for food stamps. I am sure I won’t qualify for them based on my income but it was worth a last ditch effort try. I got paid today and after paying the mortgage, utilities, my cellphone bill and buying groceries, I will have -$67.00 in the bank. Yes, after getting paid on today. I have no idea how I will have gasoline to make it to work after today. My bank account after payday has been negative for the last 3 months.
I am tired of asking my mom to supplement me. It makes me feel bad. My credit is getting worse and worse everyday becasue I am unable to pay bills on time. I am just tired-no other way to explain it. Yes, it would seem that I have everything to live for but that isn’t the way that I feel. Just when I thought that I had no other option I read your column and thought about my mother and brother and how they would feel if I took my life and the life of the grandson and nephew that they would never get to meet. I don’t want to be that selfish. I have asked God to forgive me for my weakness. Maybe one day things will get better.
Ma’am, you are not alone. Times are very hard for us all. I write for the Black News, have a blog, and a public presence, but believe me when I say I am in the same boat that you are. Many other people are too. But I want you to hold on! Hold on for the people who love you. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Whatever you do, don’t give in. I’m sure your mother would much rather come to your rescue a hundred times than to bury you. We can and we will make it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Thanks for sharing your life with those who love you. I’d give anything in this world to be able to take you out of your financial predicament. But girl, I’m in one myself. But I’m hanging in there. I want you to hang in there too!
Thank you for your comments. It just had to be said!
I can see where you are coming from with this posts, but I beg to differ. Yes we all have low points in our lives and go through things that make us feel as though we are at the bottom, but I find that most people who don’t understand why people commit suicide have been through tough times but don’t know how it feels to actually feel as though they are at the end of the road.
I know you say there is a long road between depression and suicide, but for some it really isn’t. You shouldn’t feel insulted about someone not coming to get help from you. It isn’t about whether your were a bad friend or not, as a matter of fact it isn’t about you at all. For some people, it is hard for them to get help. They don’t feel too perfect to get help, if they felt too perfect they wouldn’t be considering suicide anyway. It is about what they are going through. Some people can’t get help because their families or friends don’t support getting help and think they should just get over their problems.
I had a best friend in high school who tried to commit suicide twice. She was bipolar and her parents always told her she was a mistake. Her mom even told her she was a mistake to my mom in front on my friend in my living room. Her mom never cared enough to get her her medication or buy her bras. She was wearing bras that were 3 to 5 years old and she was a big girl. When you live with someone that basically wants you to kill yourself, what do you do?
Sorry my comment is so long, but I feel like this needs to be said. I see far too many people who say just get over it or get over yourself. For someone who is going through whatever, whether they feel bad for doing something wrong or have a mental illness, nobody truly knows what it is like for them. Life is hard, yes, but different people go through things differently. Some people can get over something quickly, while others can’t.
I don’t think anyone really understands how low someone has to be to say “I want to end it all or leave my kids, wife, family, and friends.” Instead of asking “Who do you think you are?” ask “How may I help you?” or “What can I do to help you?” or “If you don’t want help from me, who can I send you to to get help?” or you can simply say ” If you don’t want any help, know that I am here for you at any time.” Whatever you do please don’t act like people who commit suicide are “selfish bastards” because while you may know what is going on in their world, you truly do not know what they are going through in the minds.
Jai: I have NEVER deleted a comment from my blog because I disagree with it. But I am very close to deleting this one. Only because I feel it is almost gives people who are at the end of their ropes an ‘ok’ to commit suicide. That really scares me.
This blog is not about the pain THEY feel… It is about the pain WE feel.
It isn’t really about giving them an ok to commit suicide, but understanding they why and how we can help. The pain we feel and the pain they feel are connected. We will discuss this more tonight on your blog talk radio show because I feel some people may not understand where I am going with this.
Heard you on Teowonna’s show. I am doing a similar show ( inspired by Tee) and would like to invite you to be a guest on OnPoint Sunday at 6. If you are available and interested call me 803 447 3770