That Teowonna!

Today makes 10 years since I said ‘I do’ to Edwin Clifton. Ten years! Unfortunately, my husband died 6 years ago. On this day, I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like if he was alive. I’m sitting at a high school football game with friends watching their sons race up and down the field. (Actually, they are watching; I’m blogging, hence any errors you may see). I wonder, if ‘Pop’ were alive, would we be cheering on our own little player or cheerleader at a Little League game. Or would we have our little one at the movie theatre watching ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ tonight? Would there even be a little one?

Would we be home relaxing or arguing? Would we be making love or in bed with our backs to each other? Would we be celebrating our milestone or cursing the day we met? Would we be in a happy season of our lives or in a challenging one?

Here is the state of Teowonna Clifton today: I have a job that I love, a communications specialist for an insurance company. I have a number of extra-curricular activities and projects that are growing and displaying my best qualities. I produce a radio talk show; I have a blog; I am a newspaper and book editor; I will even launch my own BlogTalkRadio show next year. Not bad, if I say so myself. (As you can see, I don’t have a modest bone in my body). Many of these things I know probably would not be a reality if Pop were alive, but I wonder what other wonderful things would be replacing them. A marriage? A husband? Children? A family?

I really wish Pop could see the woman that I am today; the woman that time, maturity and experience has created. The woman who used to rebel against his authority now recognizes the value of a strong man. The woman who saw career as a way to distinguish herself now sees career as a way to advance the family. The woman who felt his words of caution stifled her creativity now craves his guidance. The woman who was too tired at night now longs for his soothing touch. The woman who had the attention of many now would love to only have his. That 26 year-old young wife is now a grown woman.

Time has brought me wisdom that money can not be purchase. Time has shown me there is nothing like a man who is ready to be a husband; a man I can trust and count on; a man who would rather die than lie or cheat. Funny how I didn’t recognize what I had until I didn’t have it anymore; until I experienced the alternative. My husband was far from perfect, but at least I knew what I had. Nowadays, there are façades of men… few real men actually exist.

My husband was so right about so many things. I regret he is not here to tell him.

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