5 Things Men Do to Decrease Their Stock
Posted July 6, 2011 by That Teowonna!
I’m at somewhat of a crossroads in my dating life. I still enjoy dating, but like other women my age, I’m finding my tolerance level for games and B-S diminishing at the speed of lightening in a pop-up SC summer thunder storm. It’s like my B-S radar has been thoroughly honed over the last 37 years, and at the peachy age of 38, I can spot crap a mile away. Unlike the younger version of Her Flyness, That Teowonna of today chooses not to deal with the crap. It just isn’t worth it anymore.
The funny thing about it is that men seem to think their games are cute; they are actually amused by them. But the truth is, we (women) have long grown bored and tired of the uninventive, the typical… the common. We literally crave fresh air in a man; someone who is open and honest about how he feels and what his intentions are. Men: whether we like your intentions or not, just be real. It would save us all a great deal of time.
Anywho, as we get older and our states of awareness increase, we pay very close attention to many of the little signs that we used to ignore. Those little ‘identifiers’ can mean the difference between a subsequent date and deuces.
I asked a few select ladies of similar age and state of mind, to name the top things men do to decrease their stock… diminish their luster and sometimes, make us say, “Never mind… peace out.” And this is what they said.
5. Bad manners/No home training. This includes, chewing with your mouth open, blowing your nose at the table, not opening the door, etc. Basically just being rude. Believe it or not, manners are a big deal for most grown women. A woman wants to feel confident that her man knows how to act, especially in public. We’re not saying you have to pass the Miss Manners etiquette course, but you do have to know the basics… like no elbows on the table. That’s major for me!
What it means to women: If you have bad manners, it means: we will never be able to take your ass anywhere.
4. Don’t call when they say you will. I know, I know. We have been complaining about this since we were 14 years old. And guess what? It hasn’t gotten any better. Men, you STILL don’t call when you say you will. Now, when we were in high school, it may have hurt our feelings or made us question ourselves. But as grown women, it makes us question you.
What it means to women: If you don’t call when you say you will, we question your word as a man. We question your integrity and your ability to honor your commitments. Basically, we feel if you can’t keep that basic promise, then you probably won’t be very good at keeping the much larger ones… the ones that really matter. Now… we may not break up with you over this, but trust me, we are making note.
3. Talking about sex too soon or in every conversation. Now this infraction alone has caused many portfolios to plummet for me. I HATE when men that I don’t know find a way to introduce sex into the conversation to at every turn. I have absolutely no need or desire to discuss sex with someone I’ve only met a couple weeks ago. And hell’s no, I not sending you a ‘picture’ of me either!
What it means to women: You have only one thing on your mind. And that’s cool if that’s what we want too. But most of the women I know are not looking for flings… or someone to just be smashing with. We want something more sustentative. When dudes always want to talk sex, that’s a sure sign we are not on the same page. With that pattern, it’s actually quite easy to write you off.
2. Being Cheap/Stingy/Won’t Share. Ok now… this is a biggie. Men, there is nothing that can decrease you to penny stock like being cheap. And we hate stingy even more. And I really hate men who don’t share. But lemme be clear, there’s a difference between being cheap, frugal, and broke. Let’s deal with broke first. I can deal with a broke man (sometimes). Broke is a temporary condition that can be remedied with a few modifications. We all have our financial challenges from time to time that we have to ride out. That’s no biggie. Now, if you are broke ALL the time, then that’s a major issue. You probably need to get some financial counseling and try again later. So, broke may be ok. And frugal is always ok. I personally don’t have a problem with a man who watches his coins. We can clip coupons together, baby! But cheap, hell’s naw! You’re just trying to get something for nothing. Talk about a turn-off.
What it means to women: When you are cheap, we feel like we would be on our own in times of need because you are too cheap/stingy/selfish to be there for us. And if we do have to ask you for something, we’ll have to hear your mouth! Instead of being proud to help your woman, you will resent it and will never let us live it down.
1. And the number 1 thing that men do to decrease their stock is: Brag about what they have. And for some men, that actually means lying about what they have. Ok men… this is number 1 for a reason… we really hate it! Now, women love men to have their financial act together. We just don’t want to hear you brag about it. We love that you are successful and climbing the corporate ladder. But we find braggarts very unattractive. We are not impressed by that at all.
What it means to women: Men, when men brag/lie about your possessions or what you have accomplished, we see your insecurities more than your accomplishments. We see that as a sign you will need constant propping up by things, status and probably us, too. We also see this as being a sure sign that we will have to constantly feed your ego or you will be seeking attention from the next women who will. And if by chance you lose your ‘things’ or your status, you will be miserable, thus making us miserable.
So the purpose of this is not to beat up on men. We all have our faults and flaws. But some of those little faults and flaws mean more to women than you think. And as we get older, we don’t ignore them quite as much.
Did I miss anything? Please add any ‘Honorable Mentions’ below.
This is a very, very good article, and although many young women understand these concepts they are accepted anyway. As a man of 49 years of age, and happily married for 21 years I believe I can be truthful; we men are just not that smart. The reason women were created more intelligent and are endowed with great intuition is so that they can facilitate the creation of the household. Men are visual creatures, not cerebral, so it has always been up the WOMAN to KNOW her man and understand how he thinks and what he needs. This is why Women have the emotional capacity and the ability to mentally side-step us at every turn. Not to WIN in the arguments, but to foresee who the man is she is with, to know whether or not she should STAY for the next date. Come on, men commit these five mistakes for one simple reason, it STILL gets them the panties, we are not that deep. SO, if you want a good man, then WAIT for him or turn him into one.
I can remember a story of one of my wife’s girl friends who was dating a professional basketball player. HE would give her his check to go deposit into his checking account and let her drive his car and so she thought she was in good. Well, one day she caught him cheating, (Big surprise right) and so she called herself teaching him a lesson. So she went over to his place with nothing on but an over coat, had crazy sex with him and then told him that is what he will not be getting again, and then she left. “BOY!” I told my wife. “She really taught him a good lesson. I’ll bet he will never, ever fool around again on his NEXT girl friend.” The simple matter is that there are two very prevalent myths in the minds of women today thanks to Hollywood;
1) That there is such a thing as Sexual Equality.
2) There is such a thing as Casual Sex.
Let me know how you like this post and I expound these two later.
Thanks, and let’s stop our great women from giving away their power daily.
hey teowonna just read your blog and you know i had to chime in. most of what you said i whole heartedly agree with, however there is a basic premise that i see differently. even though i am married and haven’t dated anyone outside of my wife for some time, i am a therapist and a self admitted “people watcher.” women claim they want honesty, when in fact they really want a man to present well and not say or do anything that makes them uncomfortable; thus your list. if all men who approached women were truly honest, then many conversations on dates would go like this. “hi, my name is (you fill in). i find you attractive for a number of reasons(cute face, nice ass, personality, body…) why don’t we hook up a few times have sex, get to know each other better, have sex and see where this thing goes.” men are afraid of telling a woman the truth because they are afraid of the consequences. all in all it was a good post.
ALA
@JTS too funny on the follow up, but really, speak for yourself and not men as a species. men and women have equal capacities, neither endowed more than the other. now, what either does with their capacity is totally an individual pursuit. case in point, your unintentional display of female gullibility in your two hypotheses. others include the woman thou art loosed conferences, women empowerment seminars, the self help books and everything else that get “sold” to women for their come-uppance.
but to the point, good take aways T, but really, men shouldn’t be so shallow to put themselves at a disadvantage in dating. he should be more thoughtful about how he presents himself to women so as not to put himself in that proverbial “shallow man” box. but again, it is an individual pursuit for men as much as it is for women. and if you doubt me, there are more female groupies, “reality” tv stars, and want-a-man-to-take-care-of-me-cuz-i’m-so-sexy-fly-surgically improved-got my ish together-my punani so good-i bat my eyes oh so right-conniving ladies of the night than there are men just out for the panties. those men only play the game b/c there is time and opportunity. but again, it is a an individual pursuit to be another our beneath all that.
so for those who listening, hopefully they will check themselves and step to EVERY woman correctly, avoiding these pitfalls in particular…
Aaron, when we (women) get to a certain point in our lives, we really *do* want honesty. Men would be surprised how many women would opt into their plan if given a choice. We’re just tired of being given the run-around, lied to and just plain old duped.
Sorry Van, I am afraid this type of mentality is why we have the problems with men today. Scholar William Julius Wilson, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Julius_Wilson) found back in the 1970’s, that men, Black men in particular, are worse off now, than they were after the Emancipation Proclamation. Many have no drive, no enthusiasm, and no aspirations of their future, he first coined the term “Unmarriagble Males.”
With that being said, we have to see where we are starting from, a man cannot conduct himself if he has not been shown how to do so by another man. Women have to understand that “the pickings are slim” for good men, acknowledging anything else is just plain foolish, how much more proof is needed?
Myself, a product of a Single mother household, my mother, as great as she is, could not instill in me manhood. Growing up in a housing project, I had to want it, and emulate it. So why are women waiting to get something out of many men, that just is not there? Bedding these “Unmarriagble Males,” and then taking them to church for a pastor to fix is insanity. These men must be left alone to become men before they get the ultimate prize a woman can give them, HERSELF. Mankind is the ONLY heterosexual species on the PLANET, where a male can get sex without any proving, test, or strife at all. Even birds, worms, undersea mollusks, must fight; endure trails and suffering before he beds a female. We are also the ONLY species on the planet that has children with nowhere for them to live, no food for them to eat, and no capacity of knowledge of which to care and raise them.
As for species, my background affords me to speak to species, in both biological and theological in my standpoints premise. Have you ever been to a rape trial? I believe more women today should. Each species has its own biological strengths and weaknesses, and the success of a species depends upon that species fully exerting its own specific strengths, and not trying to usurp or walk in the strengths of another species.
The Myth of Sexual Equality:
Have you ever witnessed what happens to a woman when she cries rape? I will tell you, her background had better be as PRISTINE as possible if she even has a hope of getting anywhere with her rape prosecution. 30 % of rapes go unreported after the victim learns of the line of questioning.
Also, if there was such a thing as Sexual Equality, then both men and women would have an equal chance at getting pregnant. Yet it is, and will always be, the WOMAN, (Mankind’s surgical advances not withstanding) who will HAVE the child. Therefore, the sole responsibility for what happens to the woman’s body is hers and hers alone.
The Myth of Casual Sex:
From a biological stand point the human body does not understand the difference between a Quickie, Casual Sex, a One Night stand, etc. the human body understands just one thing. The average healthy woman is capable of giving birth some 42 times in her lifetime. So, when all the sexual and metabolic queues happen during sex, the female body issues forth every iota of effort at its disposal to bring forth a child from the union.
It is indeed sad we are where we are, and that means it will take a huge effort for societies relationship problems to right themselves, but the first step is a realization of the TRUTH.
Truth is the key, we have to stop playing games, if you are looking for a husband, then you have to wait, (no Sex) if one is looking for sex, then that is all you will find.js
I agree with Wanting honesty “That Teowonna!” but what has happened is that men have been accepted for so long as they are, what else is there for them to do. The real problem in my opinion is that too many people are afraid to be alone for a while.
There are so many men that are flawed and broken that women must now arm and equip themselves with tools and the means to sidestep the PLAYA’s, the boys with facial hair, until they become men. There are three easy things to look for in a good man that are surface places to start, if you are both out of college.
1. Make sure he had a JOB!!!!!!!
2. Make sure he has a CAR!!!! And when you run the license plate it shows HIM as the OWNER!!
3. Make sure he has his OWN place he is living, meaning, it is NOT with MOM or DAD!
If he has none of these there should be NO NEXT DATE.
Now, I do not mean to say or imply that these broken men are the cause of some of their current states, but they are the cause of it continuing.
I concur with most of what I read, both in the article and the responses. I will add that often times “Good Men” bear the brunt of past relationships, from which many women have unresolved issues, having to deal with being yourself while being scrutinized based on someone before you, is well.. a pain. I dont unserstand when people have standards for others thatthey thgemnselves aren’t living up to, see the person not the situation. Also I would like to ask what happened to love conquering all, sometimes that brother or sistah only needs to know they are loved to bring the best out of them.