I’m at somewhat of a crossroads in my dating life. I still enjoy dating, but like other women my age, I’m finding my tolerance level for games and B-S diminishing at the speed of lightening in a pop-up SC summer thunder storm. It’s like my B-S radar has been thoroughly honed over the last 37 years, and at the peachy age of 38, I can spot crap a mile away. Unlike the younger version of Her Flyness, That Teowonna of today chooses not to deal with the crap. It just isn’t worth it anymore.
The funny thing about it is that men seem to think their games are cute; they are actually amused by them. But the truth is, we (women) have long grown bored and tired of the uninventive, the typical… the common. We literally crave fresh air in a man; someone who is open and honest about how he feels and what his intentions are. Men: whether we like your intentions or not, just be real. It would save us all a great deal of time.
Anywho, as we get older and our states of awareness increase, we pay very close attention to many of the little signs that we used to ignore. Those little ‘identifiers’ can mean the difference between a subsequent date and deuces.
I asked a few select ladies of similar age and state of mind, to name the top things men do to decrease their stock… diminish their luster and sometimes, make us say, “Never mind… peace out.” And this is what they said.
5. Bad manners/No home training. This includes, chewing with your mouth open, blowing your nose at the table, not opening the door, etc. Basically just being rude. Believe it or not, manners are a big deal for most grown women. A woman wants to feel confident that her man knows how to act, especially in public. We’re not saying you have to pass the Miss Manners etiquette course, but you do have to know the basics… like no elbows on the table. That’s major for me!
What it means to women: If you have bad manners, it means: we will never be able to take your ass anywhere.
4. Don’t call when they say you will. I know, I know. We have been complaining about this since we were 14 years old. And guess what? It hasn’t gotten any better. Men, you STILL don’t call when you say you will. Now, when we were in high school, it may have hurt our feelings or made us question ourselves. But as grown women, it makes us question you.
What it means to women: If you don’t call when you say you will, we question your word as a man. We question your integrity and your ability to honor your commitments. Basically, we feel if you can’t keep that basic promise, then you probably won’t be very good at keeping the much larger ones… the ones that really matter. Now… we may not break up with you over this, but trust me, we are making note.
3. Talking about sex too soon or in every conversation. Now this infraction alone has caused many portfolios to plummet for me. I HATE when men that I don’t know find a way to introduce sex into the conversation to at every turn. I have absolutely no need or desire to discuss sex with someone I’ve only met a couple weeks ago. And hell’s no, I not sending you a ‘picture’ of me either!
What it means to women: You have only one thing on your mind. And that’s cool if that’s what we want too. But most of the women I know are not looking for flings… or someone to just be smashing with. We want something more sustentative. When dudes always want to talk sex, that’s a sure sign we are not on the same page. With that pattern, it’s actually quite easy to write you off.
2. Being Cheap/Stingy/Won’t Share. Ok now… this is a biggie. Men, there is nothing that can decrease you to penny stock like being cheap. And we hate stingy even more. And I really hate men who don’t share. But lemme be clear, there’s a difference between being cheap, frugal, and broke. Let’s deal with broke first. I can deal with a broke man (sometimes). Broke is a temporary condition that can be remedied with a few modifications. We all have our financial challenges from time to time that we have to ride out. That’s no biggie. Now, if you are broke ALL the time, then that’s a major issue. You probably need to get some financial counseling and try again later. So, broke may be ok. And frugal is always ok. I personally don’t have a problem with a man who watches his coins. We can clip coupons together, baby! But cheap, hell’s naw! You’re just trying to get something for nothing. Talk about a turn-off.
What it means to women: When you are cheap, we feel like we would be on our own in times of need because you are too cheap/stingy/selfish to be there for us. And if we do have to ask you for something, we’ll have to hear your mouth! Instead of being proud to help your woman, you will resent it and will never let us live it down.
1. And the number 1 thing that men do to decrease their stock is: Brag about what they have. And for some men, that actually means lying about what they have. Ok men… this is number 1 for a reason… we really hate it! Now, women love men to have their financial act together. We just don’t want to hear you brag about it. We love that you are successful and climbing the corporate ladder. But we find braggarts very unattractive. We are not impressed by that at all.
What it means to women: Men, when men brag/lie about your possessions or what you have accomplished, we see your insecurities more than your accomplishments. We see that as a sign you will need constant propping up by things, status and probably us, too. We also see this as being a sure sign that we will have to constantly feed your ego or you will be seeking attention from the next women who will. And if by chance you lose your ‘things’ or your status, you will be miserable, thus making us miserable.
So the purpose of this is not to beat up on men. We all have our faults and flaws. But some of those little faults and flaws mean more to women than you think. And as we get older, we don’t ignore them quite as much.
Did I miss anything? Please add any ‘Honorable Mentions’ below.