A Public Opinion Strategies poll showed that 50 percent of men still harbor feelings for their ex-girlfriends, while only 27 percent of women still pine over their exes. Many people find the results of this poll a little surprising, especially since women tend to be a little more emotionally attached than men. But these findings do not surprise me at all. In fact, I believe that men generally hang on to their past relationships far longer than women do.
Let’s be real… the majority of the relationship breakups are the result of men and their behavior. While this does not apply to all men, there are many men in which honesty and fidelity are not requirements for their relationships. Let me rephrase that… their own honesty and fidelity are not a required, but hers is!
With disloyalty and deceit seeming to be the modus opperandi for many men, it is no wonder that they get broken up with. And when you are the one kicked to the curb, especially as a result of your own actions, you have a tendency to hold on to the past. So, here are the top three reasons men still harbor feeling for their exes, long after we’ve moved on.
1. We don’t want him anymore. R. Kelly hit the nail on the head when he said, ‘when a woman’s fed up, there ain’t nothing you can do about it.’ Even though many women try to play hard, we are very tolerant, especially if we love the dude. We have been known to give chance after chance after chance. I personally gave one dude so many chances that I’m actually ashamed of myself! But here’s the thing… regardless of how bad a man treats us, we never have enough, until we finally have enough. And there is no predictable date, time or infraction that will make the light bulb go off. But when it does, it does!
For women, once we reach the point of no return, there is nothing a man can do to get us back. He can’t apologize enough; he can’t beg and plead enough; he can’t buy enough jewelry. Nothing is going to satisfy us except getting him out of our lives and moving on. When we went back the fifty-eleven times before, he just violated again. So when it’s just time to go, it’s just time to go. And it is that very moment of finality that men dread most. Because then and only then does it become clear that we are gone and not coming back. And thus begins the pining!
2. We are moving on. Women are not perfect… and Lord knows I’m not. But I am pretty damn good in relationships. I mean, I’m supportive, sweet, doting, complimenting… all that! (Ok, I’m quite mouthy too, but that’s neither here nor there.) Now, can you imagine how miserable a man must feel to see all that beautiful ladiness on another man’s arm? I’d imagine he’d feel pretty dang stupid. But that’s what happens when men see their exes out with the next dude. Everything good about her comes flashing back. Now another man has all he used to have. Men don’t really believe that we are gone until they see us out with someone else. Only then does it occur to them that we are really done!
3. They have no one to blame but themselves. Have you ever missed out on something great? Sometimes the timing is off; maybe the dog ate your homework; your child got sick; or your car broke down. When you can blame someone or something else, it takes some of the sting out of the disappointment. But when you have to be honest with yourself and can’t blame anyone but you, that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
When your family and friend asks you what happened, you can say you got tired of her; she wanted more than you did; you didn’t like her ways; she didn’t wash dishes… blah blah blah. But when you get home and are in your solitude, you have to face the truth… you screwed it up all by yourself.Now, that’s reason to pine!
So, when you think about all the regret that men must feel, it’s no surprised they continue to harbor feelings for their exes. But here’s the question… do they learn from their mistakes? I’m not so sure they do. But women do. That’s why we are far less tolerant of the next dude. And that’s unfortunate for everyone.