A Word of Caution to Unmarried Men
Posted January 25, 2011 by That Teowonna!
We are in the two-thousands now. This is evident with all these new societal trends that I’m starting to notice. When the calendar flipped from the 1900’s to the new millennium, it’s like the whole world lost its mind. Many things that were once exceptions to the rule are now mainstream and everyday occurrences… like this new trend of unmarried men.
There is a growing number of men, for whatever reason, who are opting not to get married in their twenties and thirties, as men of yesteryear did. Some are even remaining unmarried well into their forties and fifties.
Men have their choice of women these days, so I can see how it would be extremely enticing to want to remain single and unattached. But here is a word of caution to men… if you wait too long before you try to settle down, even though you may be fine and have it going on, you can actually be considered unmarriageable.
Definition: Unmarriageable – Nobody don’t want yo ass no mo.
Ok. That’s a little strong. If you are 48 and have never been married, yes, someone will want you. But the women that you want, probably will not want you. Take it from a sistah, there is something unattractive, scary even, about a man over 45 who has never been married. I mean really.
When you meet a woman and you start to share pasts and life stories, the inevitable question of why you have never been married will come up. And you answer, ‘because I haven’t found the right woman’. She may skin and grin in your face, but what she is thinking is, “What’s wrong with you?”
Think about it, men. All these beautiful, smart, ambitious, women who can cook, clean and make you glad that you are a man and you couldn’t find a single one that you get along with well enough to marry? Really dude? Trust me… that brings up more questions about you than it does women.
I know a number to fine brothas who are doing big things in the world. Making money, volunteering, mentoring, all the things that good men should do. But they are also playing the field. And believe it or not, I really don’t have a problem with that. As long as you are not lying or leading anyone on, enjoy your life. Date… be single. I’m down with that.
But for your own sake, you better be trying to narrow the number down before you hit 45. Because that is the magic number in which your stock drops significantly. If you haven’t been married as least once by 45, as a woman, I feel like I’m taking a big chance on you. I’m just being honest.
It is completely understandable for a woman to have never been married at the age of 45… hell, there ain’t but so many men to marry. But a man? There is NO reason for a man to have not been married. Seriously. Unless…
So, word to the wise. Don’t let 45 catch you unmarried. And if you are already 45, you need to try and tie the knot within the next 12 months. Otherwise, you might find that the old grimy man in the club is actually you. Or even worse, you wake up one day and look behind you to find that that gang of women that was once chasing you, has given up and moved on. You were running so hard, that you didn’t notice that no one was behind you anymore. Now, that’s a bad feeling.
I feel that we are living in an “I” generation. Nobody and nothing matters except ME and what I want to do. I hate to say it but this is yet another Black problem. Whenever I attend social functions with other ethnic groups, Black women including me, make up the majority of women without escorts. Men can’t seem to shake the slave mentality of being studs. Another problem is men on the down low. In addition to that, women and men have so few values, morals have gone south, and anything and everything goes except making a commitment. I hope that Black families don’t become extinct, but right now that seems to be where we are headed. Lastly, there are more males around than you think but there are few Black men with their heads screwed on straight.
Real Men Have Become Extinct
A person has to have a demented sense of marriage and the responsiblity that comes with it to encourage any person to marry based on a time table. I wonder what they said about Jesus Christ unmarried at his age in his day? To the REAL MEN that are unmarried, undivorced, not fathers, not babydaddies, unwidowed and have a clean slate with all women they have dated. You are more righteous then the world may ever be able to accept. The same applies for single women in the same boat. GOD HAS A PLAN! Even when it makes others jealous or uncomfortable.
lol i am so feeling this article, sure we women are judged like we are on auction and all but when a man is a certain age im wondering 2, what is wrong? like you said, if you are 45, hell in my opinion 40 and “noone” has been been good enough to marry, im side ey8ing you. im 32 and have dated a few 40 somethings and for whatever reason they were really not trying to get married. A few of them had a peter pan complex. there are just too many women who would be happy to have a decent man for a man not to be able to find one..
“Think about it, men. All these beautiful, smart, ambitious, women who can cook, clean and make you glad that you are a man and you couldn’t find a single one that you get along with well enough to marry? Really dude? Trust me… that brings up more questions about you than it does women.”
Where are these women? I’ve been playing the field for about 4 years now(I’m 27 now) and women are only interested on how much money I make. The more I play the field the more I’m convinced to stay single than risk giving half, if not everything, I worked so hard for. Don’t even get me started on these marriage laws that are meant to destory marriages than to maintain them. My only option left is to go outside of the US and find me a real/true woman and these brain washed glold diggers that are out for my money. Hey If you’re 45+, single and happy then NO ONE should bring you down because of that. Just saying
Dave, here are your words: “I’ve been playing the field for about 4 years now”. Perhaps that’s the problem. You’ve been too busy playing the field instead of seeking a wife.
The definition was HILARIOUS I love it, my wife did not find it funny but I did. Unmarriable no one wants yo ass no mo HAHAHAHAHA LOL. The grimy old man in the club HEHEHEHE.
This is the most ignorant article I’ve read in quite some time. Why is something “wrong” with someone if he chooses not to be married? I am very picky when it comes to women and, unlike a lot of men, very conscious about what women I share my seed with. First and foremost any woman I marry has to be submissive. I am the king and the leader and I have the background and financial stability to justify that position. But for some reason there are plenty women who have a problem with that word “submissive”. But I will absolutely not settle for less than all of the things I seek in a wife (ex. intelligence, good homemaker, in shape etc.)because I am perfectly happy being single for the rest of my life. Any woman who would have an issue with me simply because I haven’t been married by a certain age will simply get tossed back onto the market so we won’t waste each others time. I wouldn’t consider her wife material anyway.
Two things. First of all, I’m not at all sure this issue is only relevant within the African-American community. Second of all, “All these beautiful, smart, ambitious, women who can cook, clean and make you glad that you are a man and you couldn’t find a single one that you get along with well enough to marry? Really dude?” Um, WHERE? There have been NO women of this kind showing interest in me, and I have been at this for 30 years, as a WHITE, JEWISH man of 47 years old who NEVER MARRIED. Now, I’m willing to accept the idea that I’m unmarriageable, and I’m willing to accept the idea that the women I want “don’t want my ass.” I’m even willing to accept the blame for it, but not because I was somehow too picky and couldn’t decide from among ALL THESE “beautiful women” who supposedly wanted me. They never existed, nor did a chance for me to ever find someone suitable for me. And now it is too late.
Scott, thank you for your feedback. You are right, this is not an AA problem… nothing is exclusive to one race of people. But for the life of me I still don’t understand how men, who are largely in control of these things, wind up alone. Unless they are the hideous, repulsive, socially awkward serial killer-types, in which case their singleness would be totally understandable, I can’t understand how one can’t find a single woman they like enough (and that likes them enough) to marry. Do you know how many more women there are in this world than men? Do you know how man women are dying to spend their life with someone? And you can’t find a single one in 30 years? Come’on! There is one thing I wrote that I take back. It’s not too late. It’s never too late for men. So, if you want a wife, go get her. She’s standing right there waiting for you. Trust me… I know about these things.
Teowonna…I’m certainly not a hideous serial-killer. But I am 1) 47 and never married, 2) Jewish, 3) vegan, and 4) childless. That would be no issue if I lived in a city, but I live (and work) in a small, conservative town here. People have made it clear to me (non verbally) that they find me deviant and easily avoidable. I’ve also gone the online route. Me being only 5’7″, there’s another dealbreaker. The women I find attractive (and my standards are not that high) have very strict standards themselves, and they have a LOT of men to choose from. Highly competetive, with few winners and LOTS of losers in the field of bachelors. That is your explanation.
Hello Scott, just saw your comment and thought I would reply. I too am a 40+, childless, never married man. I am a black man, live in a urban area and have no problem meeting a variety of women. I am very happy with life and will not settle just because some people, family included, think I should be “married with kids” by now. After graduating college I lived in a small Oklahoma town for a short time that had a KKK chapter there. I was one of a handful of blacks in the town at the time. Needless to say, like you, I was an outcast in that town and kept to myself until I left. I share this to say that the problem is with the people where you live.. not you. Don’t let anyone’s conservative ideals, backwards values or difference of opinion dictate who you are as a man. People are afraid of anything uncomfortably “different” from them. Trust me, I know.
Thank you for the words of encouragement.
Scott, thank you for enlightening me. I guess we all have our cross to bear.
Hi Ojack…I’m glad you found that geographical advantage. Sorry to hear you had to endure the right-wing ugliness of that Oklahoma town before; stuff like that can bust your spirit. One additional thing I do around here in Bowling Green, KY (no surprise, right?)…I ride a bicycle to get around. As you can imagine, drivers HATE HATE HATE HATE people like me, who DARE to take up 2 feet of space on the right side of THEIR road. However, the one thing I do have going for me here is work. If I quit, and left here in favor of a big city, it would be all over for me professionally, at which point I would not be qualified to have a relationship with a woman anyway. So for now, I just bear it…hoping someday things change.
Teowonna, I have to add one more comment here before I forget…when you said: “for the life of me I still don’t understand how men, who are largely in control of these things, wind up alone…” Teo, I think it is a misconception that “men are largely in control of these things.” In fact and in practice, we have NEARLY ZERO control. We can control how much risk, backlash, and hostility we want to expose ourselves to when we make unwanted and unwelcome approaches to unfamiliar women in strange places. But make no mistake: WOMEN ARE THE GATEKEEPERS. As ladies, YOU get to make the final call whether or not a chance conversation somewhere moves on to become something else. And if the guy just doesn’t trigger your attraction, then guess what? Our single male friend there is going to be ALONE, especially if he fails to ignite attraction in all of the other women he works up the nerve to present interest in. It’s a harsh, ugly reality…but it is truth. I know this, because I am that man.
Scott… again very interesting conversation. Yes, women are the gatekeepers. But men have to knock on the door. But enough of that. I guess this dialogue has proven that we both (men and women) play a role in our situations. Wishing you the best. Teowonna
Teowonna, you are right, men do have to knock on the door (to continue the metaphor). I’ll stipulate to that. Problem is, there are only so many times a guy can have a door or gate slammed in his face…and then he gets the message to give up, and stay out of the way instead.